Forgotten Melody Part 6

Credit for GIFS goes to: Himani, Avantika, Priya, Mehak, Usha of http://qubool.tumblr.com/tagged/asya

Note: Please head over to the April and May 2014 entries for parts 1 through to 4, and March 2015 for part 5.

Forgotten Melody Part 6

Recap:

“Zoya –“ Asad whispered brokenly, her name was just a soft whisper, but she didn't stop. Zoya took another deep breath and turned around to close the suitcase. She tentatively hauled her suitcase off the bed and walked past Asad shrewdly towards the door. Zoya stopped momentarily at the threshold of the door as she let go of the breath she held involuntarily, she looked at Asad miserably, and then smiled at him through her tears, “You know what Mr. Khan, mujhe nahin lagta ke aap aur main ... I mean the misfit that I am ever had a chance - I don't think we ever had a chance.” And with that Zoya walked out of Asad's room. Asad's breath came out ragged as he gasped in disbelief at his own doing. His eyes widened staring piercingly into the darkness of the room. He tried to slow his breathing but nothing could stop his eyes from running now.

End of recap.

Thunder and lightning crackled over the villa as Zoya walked lost in her thoughts, her feet half-heartedly ascended over the threshold of her so-called new bedroom and into the dimly lit hallway where Dilshaad and Najma stood worriedly. A part of Zoya died a little with each step she took further away from Asad, but no later her contemplation broke as she perceived the pleading voices of Dilshaad and Najma, their voices became more apparent through the thick air of conflict and uncertainty that saturated the atmosphere of Khan villa, begging her ardently not to leave them again and again. “Zoya beta, please … please mat jao,” Dilshaad affectionately and resolutely grabbed Zoya’s hand, begging her to reconsider.

In the muted light of the menacing glow the blue bolts of lightning cascaded across the villa, through the noise of the zealous voices of Dilshaad and Najma’s constant pleading, Zoya’s eyes caught the smirk that played victoriously on Tanveer’s lips, her eyes caught the spiteful rolling of Tanveer’s green feline eyes. Zoya stopped in her tracks as she contemplated on what she just saw. Was Tanveer really smiling at a time like this? Was Tanveer really getting kicks out of all of this? Did Tanveer really want Zoya gone? Zoya recalled the first time she saw Tanveer when Asad had brought her back to Khan Villa just last week, she recalled how Tanveer grimaced throughout their small intimate wedding ceremony, the accusation she threw in her direction about snatching Asad for her own personal gain. She remembered how Tanveer always made it her personal vendetta to bring Zoya down in front of Mr. Khan, how she made her and Asad’s relationship sound so distastefully cheap. Tanu’s words from a week ago now rang in Zoya’s ears alarmingly, “ … dekho na Asad ne Zoya ko apne kamre mein … wo bhi binaa Nikaah ke … wo dono besharmi se ek dusre ki bahon mein iss tarah se binaa Nikaah ke … log kya sochenge … aur ye Nikaah Khalaa … don’t you think there’s something rather odd about all of it …  I mean why the rush … and also Zoya is so not the kind of girl that Asad would ever marry in the first place, for all we know she probably ensnared him –“ Tanu’s voice reverberated in Zoya’s weary mind on a loop, her reverie cut short as Dilshaad’s sobbing grew stronger holding her close in a meaningful embrace pleading to her once more.

“Zoya it’s quite late, please don’t leave, we’ll sit and talk and sort things out, mujhe chor ke mat jao, apni Phoophi ko chor ke mat jao. Tumhara aur Asad ka Nikaah hoowa hai, I don’t care how it happened but jo bhi ho, jo kuch bhi hoowa, from then onwards, I am as much your Ammi as I am Asad’s and Najma’s Ammi,” Dilshaad spoke through sobs, as she noted Zoya’s concerned expression flicker over at Tanveer standing in the far corner of the room. Dilshaad could sense Zoya’s insecurity and unhealthy jealousy about Tanveer, and she knew deep down she had to do something about Tanveer, for jealousy and insecurity were destructive and it would only wreck Asad and Zoya’s new relationship.

“Zoya Bhabhi, please don’t leave me, I don’t want to lose you a second time, iss baar main aap ko jaane nahin doongi,” Najma pleaded, her eyes glistened with fresh tears as she begged Zoya to stay, “Please, please, please, aur iss halat mein toh bilkul bhi nahin –“ Najma chanted over and over again as she grasped the suitcase from Zoya’s hand possessively, the thought of losing her sister-in-law and best friend pricked her heart.

Zoya’s gaze dropped guiltily to the ground on hearing their pleas. Had they known all along, she pondered as she looked down at her not so visible baby bump? Zoya’s emotions overwhelmed her and she did not want to leave Najma and Phoopi, not now, her heart ached at the thought of losing the only family she had ever felt so part of in an all-consuming manner. Zoya turned to Asad, shaking her head slightly in disbelief as she whispered in a low voice, “Main kahin nahin jaa rahi, I’m not leaving,” Zoya sobbed, tears welled in her eyes, threatening to drop to the floor. She did not want to leave; this Nikaah meant everything to her even if it meant nothing to anyone else.

“But Phoop- I mean Ammi, I don’t want to be in the same room as him,” Zoya’s voice grew stronger and she became more confident, her eyes flew in Asad’s direction, and she saw Asad’s jaw clench, and his hands balled into fists, tensed in reaction to what she just said, and she knew it was his attempt at controlling his reaction. Her words were getting through to him, he was furious especially after she had completely agreed to his three conditions the night of their big talk. Good! It was about time, he took notice, he could not just make empty promises; he needed to show he cared and that he valued his vows to her.

“I need to be alone for a while,” Zoya spoke brokenly through her tears; her eyes now searched Asad’s eyes for any traces of remorse. Yes she had found remorse in his blood-shot eyes and with it love, pain and fear of loss. Typical Mr. Khan, Zoya grimaced inwardly; she knew he over-reacted, she knew he didn’t mean anything he had said, it was all out of fear and nothing more, just like his outburst that morning months ago at the farmhouse, and just like all his other past outbursts till date. But for how long could he stay like this? And for how much longer would she need to continue to forgive him? He was right about what he said when they had their big talk a few nights ago, Asad’s words echoed in her mind; “no matter how wrong I've been in the past, you've always overlooked my mistakes and somehow excused my shortcomings. Never lose that Zoya, I fear you need it more than ever now, to completely forgive me for hurting you so badly ... to give me another chance?” Asad’s voice spun on a loop in Zoya’s mind, she heaved a heavy sigh as she ran her fingers dejectedly along the tiny bump on her weathered body.

What puzzled Zoya was whether she would be any better without him? The fear of losing him caused her distress and the thought of Tanveer made her feel that more determined not to leave. 

“It’s so typically … so unnecessarily and so over-dramatic of Mr. Khan … to have behaved the way he did earlier,” Zoya said with exasperation her eyes now cast down. Not everybody in the villa needed to see just how much this was affecting her. She had promised herself, after the first time Asad had broken her heart, that she would never wait for him, that she would never hold her life back for him, and yet, here she was pining over him, and three months ago he had made it abundantly clear that he couldn't and wouldn't be with her. Asad was a totally reckless man, reckless with her emotions and he kept dangling maybes in front of her only to jerk them away before she could hold onto them. But this Asad, she hoped that he had changed as he had promised a few nights ago and that he meant everything he said the night of their big talk. Zoya believed him but yet she felt uncertain, he wouldn't push her away or decide that he didn't need her in his life anymore, would he? As much as the rejection after their disastrous farmhouse encounter had hurt Zoya, losing him now from her life entirely would be her own undoing if she left.

“I’m going to the guest room,” Zoya announced resolutely as she made her way to the guest room, the room that she had made hers all those months ago when she first came to Khan Villa as a guest, who knew then that this house would mean so much more. “Mera matlab hai, I’m going to MY room, I can’t be in the same room as him,” Zoya’s voice trailed off swallowing down the emotions that threatened to overtake her. She ignored the deafening applause of lightning and thunder overhead; she ignored the snarky comment on how childish she was thrown in her direction by Asad after she announced she was going to the guest room. She didn’t care to look back at anyone as she took long-miserable-laborious strides towards the guest room, her room for all she cared.

Asad’s eyes lingered in Zoya’s direction, - won’t you stay - his tortured mind enunciated on a loop as he watched Zoya walk away from him into the guest room slamming the door shut behind her. Asad Ahmed Khan was scared as he felt his heart sink in his chest at the thought of his loss, he lost her again, and once again his anger pushed her away. He swallowed hard at the fear that formed as a lump in his throat and closed his eyes as tears of self-loathing now brimmed and burned in his eyes.  Fragmented images of Zoya’s scared face reeled contemptuously before his eyes, and he knew he was a total brute for treating her like that, a few moments ago she cowered under his rage and he could not understand what had just happened. Najma looked at her Bhaijaan disappointedly before she too followed suit to the guest room to check up on Zoya.

“Lagta hai ke aap dono ka jagra kabhi bhi khatam nahi hoga,” Dilshaad said unhappily. She looked over at the sadness on Asad’s face and put her hand on his head to console him, and more importantly to reprimand him for his actions. All the while Tanveer watched smugly as the scene that unfolded in front of her in the thunderous backdrop of the stormy night, she grinned at her small victory. She may have failed, Zoya did not leave, but she made her mind up that it would not be long before Ms. New York left for good and she would finally seize Asad for herself. All she needed to do was continue working as she did tonight.

“Ammi, mujhe samajh nahin aa raha ke, I just don’t understand why … Mis-Fa … Zoya aise bachon ki tarah kyun misbehave kar rahi hai,” Asad spoke through gritted teeth, how dare she just pack her bags and go to the guest room? How dare she ignore his concern? He was worried sick for her safety, that he lost control of his temper. Is that all Zoya ever came to know of him?

“Asad, wo bechaari toh - ” Dilshaad spoke trying to make Asad understand the weight of what just happened.

“Ammi for the last time, wo bechaari nahin hai,” Asad bellowed, his hands reached to pinch the bridge of his nose, he stared at his Ammi incredulously for supporting Zoya’s irresponsibility.

“Lekin kuch bhi kaho Asad … wo poori tarah se galat bhi nahin hai. Tum khud hi socho, wo aisa kyun karegi? Why would she put her life, the bab-“ Dilshaad stammered for a second, “- our life in danger?”Dilshaad reasoned with Asad.

“I understand Ammi, magar phir bhi, she could have waited, she could have called me for assistance, better yet Tanveer would have changed the cylinder. Lekin nahin, Zoya ko Mrs. Bond banne ka shauk jo hai. In fact put the cylinder thing to one side, abhi abhi, did you see what she just did, how childish of her to leave me and go to the guest room, bahut bachpana hai un mein,” Asad opposed his Ammi’s reasoning.

“Jisse tum bachpana keh rahe ho, wo bachpana nahin hai Asad. She is hurt, and that is because of you.  Ab tumhi sochon, Zoya ko ye sab kar ke kya milega? What would she have attained by doing all of this? Do you really feel she set up to hurt herself? Asad main maanti hoon, Zoya ke tareeke shayyad galat ho, lekin uss ke iraade toh naik hai, aur waise bhi wo cylinder, when Zoya and Najma changed it, it was working fine. I called Najma at that point and she told me everything, in fact they both even made this evening’s meal then. What happened after that to cause the cylinder to blow, none of us really know? We came home, Zoya was about to warm the food up … aur phir,” Dilshaad sighed heavily as she recalled the horror of seeing the gas cylinder explode injuring Zoya’s right hand severely.

“You just hurled all your anger at her without knowing the full truth. Ek baar, sirf ek baar, you could have asked us what happened instead of jumping to your own stupid conclusions.  Aaj tumhari wajah Zoya ghar chor ke jaa rahi ti, PHIR SE. Aur galati kis se nahin hoti, ek lambhi zindagi kaatni hai tum dono ne. Kabhi galati tumse hogi, toh kabhi Zoya se hogi, lekin iss ka ye matlab nahin hai, ke tum Zoya se naraaz ho jao, aur sab ke samne usse daant doh. Sab ke saamne Zoya pe iss tarah gussa karna accha nahin hai Asad, especially ghairon ke beech mein,” Dilshaad spoke defiantly, her eyes flickered towards Tanveer explicitly, “- Tanveer ke saamne to bilkul bhi nahin.”

“Par Khalaa,” Tanveer interjected as she tried to emphasise how close she was to Asad and the family, how could she possibly be an outsider, she squirmed inwardly at Dilshaad’s statement. She knew she had to do something about Dilshaad too if she was going to get Asad. She feigned innocence as she observed Dilshaad had her palm raised defiantly commanding Tanveer not to intervene.

“Aur especially when Zoya is ill and in this state. Iss halat mein, you should be more careful with Zoya,” Dilshaad continued as she turned her attention back to Asad. - “Miah- biwi ke jagre, tum dono ke beech mein hi rehne chaahiye, your personal matters should stay in between the two of you only, you should never involve a third person. Khair -  koi baat nahin, eventually you’ll learn to appreciate and understand everything. Dheere dheere sab theek ho jaaye ga. Anyhow you should know that, bahut acchi hai bechaari meri bahu Zoya,” Dilshaad smiled as she caressed Asad’s chin.

“Ammi” Asad chided, but his heart softened hearing his mother’s words merging his and Zoya’s name together, it sounded so natural knowing that they were married now.

“Mein sach keh rahi hoon, trust me, ek sorry aur ek I love you … and one more thing in the future no matter what happens and whose fault it is, you will always accept responsibility and always say sorry to her first,” Dilshaad cupped Asad’s face affectionately. “Khair, for now I suggest you let Zoya cool off and let her be, I’ll go and check on her,” Dilshaad kissed Asad’s forehead. Asad heaved a heavy sigh; his eyebrows furrowed in pain as he casted a lingering look at the closed guest room door where Zoya currently resided away from him. He felt a void as he began to retreat to his now empty and dull room, the thought of spending the night without her mocked him painfully.

Dilshaad wiped the tears that brimmed on the corners of her eyes, it had been an eventful day and she felt utterly disappointed at the thought of losing Zoya again, it had only been a week since her return and for all she cared she did not want to lose her again, she felt the urgency to talk to Zoya and voice her concerns about everything. She began to go towards the guest room and what was now Zoya’s room for tonight, but she halted once more, her attention turned to Tanveer.

“Aur ek baat, Tanveer, let me remind you that you are a guest. You were Asad’s childhood friend, we haven’t seen you in 10 years and in that time, we have all changed, so from that statement I hope I make it clear to you that as an outsider you have no right to intervene in our personal family matters especially between Asad and Zoya,”Dilshaad spoke defiantly and then entered Zoya’s room.

The rain poured endlessly from the grey sky, the clouds had thickened in the distant, and flashes of lightning continued to illuminate the dark sky occasionally followed by the deep roar of thunder. Zoya leaned more closely against the cold glass window of the guest room, as she miserably traced the grey lines of raindrops trailing down the window in succession. She shivered a little as the rain had cooled the grey skies; the strong cold wind picked up in fervour rattling the window frame, the floorboards too creaked in response to the storm outside. Just outside the window, she observed the green shrubs in the lawn; they were drowned in a low flood caused by the storm. Her weary eyes caught the floating of bright pink roses and yellow tulips in the garden dancing in the gusty cold night breeze. These were definitely new additions to the greenery of the lawn, she sniffled as she recalled telling Asad months ago that those were her favourite flowers when she had bought some home and placed them haphazardly on the living room table. She remembered how he threw a fit of anger as per norm for her being irresponsible. How was she to know then that he was allergic to roses? Nonetheless, the pinks roses and yellow tulips were an eerily and unexpectedly surprising accessory to the lawn, she wiped a tear that strayed and trickled down her pale cheeks. How much had he really changed since then? Surely, it was Asad who had planted those for her? Not only had the flowers outside shocked Zoya, but the clutter and unmade bedroom she just walked into a few moments ago when she entered the guest room had taken Zoya by surprise. She aptly recalled leaving it in immaculately clean conditions before she left three months ago, so that Asad would not loathe her even after she left. She respected his OCD tendencies then, she certainly didn’t need him to hate on her after she had gone, for all she cared he would have personally found her just to clean the room before she left three months ago, if he had his silly ways! Nonetheless the sight of her favourite flowers in the garden overlooking the guest room and the crazy mess in the guest room, cheered her and made her feel immensely fortunate as Najma told her that her Bhaijaan went crazy the day she left three months ago and all the mess and those flowers were Asad’s doing.

“I’m telling you the truth Zoya, jab aap ghar chor ke gayyi thi, it was like Asad Bhaijaan had lost everything, jaise oonki poori duniya hi katam hogayyi ti … Oonki OCD kahin ko gayyi thi. He would not eat, he barely went to work, and if he did it was very mechanical. Aur jab wo ghar aate te, he would take your iPad and always sleep in this room, deliberately making a mess because you were no longer here. He felt … we all felt very empty without you and your mess … kyunki aap ke bina ghar kuch zayaada hee clean ta. He made it a habit to clutter everything so that he wouldn’t miss you so much, but even then it would not satisfy him,” Najma spoke through quite sobs as she watched a listless Zoya sat in the corner of the room looking out of the window.  Najma looked to her Ammi who had just entered the room; she looked at her Ammi and nodded her head in defeat. Zoya was still upset and hadn’t spoken since she entered the guest room.  Najma nonverbally gestured her Ammi to do something. No later Zoya felt the caressing touch of Dilshaad’s hands on her head, her teary eyes lifted to view Dilshaad’s reflection in the glass on the window. Dilshaad cupped Zoya’s face; her maternal instincts to protect Zoya were on a high.

“Zoya, tum abhi bhi naraaz ho … something is bothering you, I know it. Since you’ve been back, you haven’t been the same. I know it’s not just about what happened tonight, but also the last few months must have been difficult for you. And now adjusting to married life, a new bedroom, a new relationship with Asad, dealing with this condition you are in  … the pregnancy,” Dilshaad trailed off as she embraced Zoya in a warm protective hug. Zoya responded by hugging Dilshaad back, hugging her for comfort she was so in need of especially after Asad’s outburst moments ago. Zoya didn’t know how Dilshaad had come to know about the pregnancy, but Zoya felt utterly guilty and ashamed now.

“Shh Zoya, please don’t cry,” Dilshaad consoled a crying Zoya in her arms as Najma decided it was best that she left the room so that Ammi and Zoya could talk more comfortably, she didn’t want Zoya to feel embarrassed in front of her, for she too already knew about the pregnancy when earlier her Ammi had told her to measure Zoya for a dress.  Her Ammi was apt to have googled Dr. Mirza and it only took her matter of a few seconds to put everything together and now she came to understand the reasons for the three long months of Zoya disappearing and the rushed wedding. Najma smiled at Zoya approvingly and told her Ammi that she was going to go and check up on Asad.

Another bolt of lightning split across the gunmetal sky as Zoya now trembled in Dilshaads arms, shivering in unadulterated fear, her teary big brown eyes looked to Dilshaad, her Ammi for forgiveness. A bolt of thunder, not so far away, made Zoya pull away from Dilshaad, her back flushed against the window, still shivering, as the rain began once more; a few heavy drops at first, turning into a wash on the glass. Dilshaad was utterly taken aback by Zoya’s reaction, for all she cared it did not bother her that Zoya and Asad were pregnant and hiding the pregnancy, she was not here to reprimand her, she was here to console and care for her, but what bothered her was neither of them had trusted to confide in her.

“Zoya, please, I’m not here to judge you or scold you about this. Mujhe pata ta, the day of the accident you both returned separately, you both were acting strangely that day, you both appeared so dishevelled and so disturbed. Something big must have happened for you to have taken such a drastic step to just up and leave. Phir jab Asad found out through an email on your iPad that you were still in Bhopal, he did not hesitate and he brought you back last week. But even then things were amiss, he was speaking in riddles … aur phir Dr. Mirza, her frequent visits were bothering me … I simply could not just sit here and do nothing. Asad would not answer any of my questions. Mere sawalon ka jawaab nahin de raha ta, mujhse nazrein choora raha ta, aur mujhe tumhari fikr ho rahi ti Zoya, - dekho na, you look so ill. So I googled Dr. Mirza’s name, found out she is a gynaecologist and obstetrician. Ab tumhi batao, after all of that … mein ye kaise maan leti ke tumhe kuch nahi hoowa hai. I asked Najma to measure you so that she could confirm that you have a small baby bump. Aur phir aaj jo kuch hoowa, uss ke baad mujhe yakeen ho gayya ke … zaroor … that you AND Asad are pregnant.  Your hand tracing the baby bump didn’t go unnoticed and the remark that Asad made about – Khair,” Dilshaad heaved a heavy sigh, she sniffled as she watched Zoya affectionately, her heart sank to see Zoya so hurt, even she was hurt at her son’s audacity to say that Zoya would be a bad mother.

“Par Phoop- Ammi, I – I didn’t know what to do. How could I have possibly told you about what happened that night, wo bhang-ke-pakore, hum nashein me te … Mr. Khan took me in his arms … wo raat … hum dono … I don’t remember much … and the morning … we were in the same bed nak-ed … at the farmhouse … phir Mr. Khan, he was angry … he refused to talk about it, he didn’t accept responsibility … he told me I trapped him … wo sab ek galti ti … aur phir wo bus accident … Mr. Khan and Tanveer hugging,” Zoya spoke brokenly. Zoya’s bandaged hand shakily traced the contours of her bump as she looked down in shame, her words were incoherent but Dilshaad needed no explanation. 

Dilshaad didn’t need to know the details of what happened and why, all she knew was that Zoya and Asad were already very much in love with each other all those months ago even though neither had ever acknowledged it. The chemistry between the two was always evident, even when they argued. Dilshaad always knew that behind Asad’s anger at Zoya was hidden utmost care and love especially after they had returned from Mangalpur earlier in the year, their dynamics was altered from then on. Dilshaad looked to Zoya, who stood crying, her eyes were welled with tears as she took several attempts to swallow back her emotions. Dilshaad approached Zoya, her hands cupped her face in affection as she motioned Zoya to look up at her.

“Watching you all this time has made one thing abundantly clear to me, Asad made the right choice when he picked you to be his wife. Yes, I said choice. You are his CHOICE, he didn’t choose you out of guilt or anything; he chose to be with you because he loves you. I am not blind, I knew that Asad did not love you the first time he saw you, BUT there was always attraction there and due to his stupid ideals Asad would not have chosen you back then. Asad’s mind was very made-up on what he thought he wanted, he did not believe in love but love doesn’t ask for permission. Along the way Asad fell in love with you and he tried so hard to cover it up, he wanted to be practical. As time went by you were no longer a burden to him; you became his reason for existence. In his anger, I can see his fear of losing you. He becomes dismissive and rude when he gets frustrated with you. It was his way of hiding his true feelings and he resorts to that when he is most hurt or when he feels utmost protective of you. But eventually he made the right choice to follow his heart and I agree with his choice,” Dilshaad spoke proudly as she cupped Zoya’s face adoring her bahu.

“You are a perfect fit for Asad. That being said, I know that living with a man like him is difficult. Mera beta kuch zayadda hai akdu hai na. Sometimes it will seem almost unbearable. Both of you need to look past all that animosity you two harbour for each other, there's something more. You complement each other in ways that completely amaze me. I hope that someday soon you see what Najma and I see when we look at you. I know that there is more to you leaving than the whole silly visa reason you told me. Now, I don't know what Asad did or didn't do that made you leave, but you need to give him the chance to explain himself. You need to look past what he said in anger tonight, somewhere deep down he is hurt and got it all wrong. Don't you think you owe him at least that? A chance?” Dilshaad looked to Zoya, hoping she would consider forgiving Asad.

“Ammi,” Zoya said softly as she wiped her tears.

“Hmm, I’m listening Zoya,” Dilshaad consoled a tired Zoya.

“Wo actually, I just don’t see why Mr. Khan can’t see that everything I do, I do it for him. I made dinner for him today; I called him to say I had a surprise but then the gas cylinder went off. Instead of asking me if I was hurt, he was shouting at the top of his voice as though I deliberately set out to injure myself,” Zoya said, hot tears were stinging her eyes as she tried to blink them away.

“It's because he cares about you, he loves you Zoya. More than you ever could know,”Dilshad explained as she guided Zoya to sit on the bed.

“Par Ammi, I don't love him … well not right now anyway, not after what he said," Zoya said resentfully earning a small smile from Dilshad.

“Jaanti hoon, jaanti hoon, that is why you spent the afternoon making him some of his favourite dishes,” Dilshaad teased Zoya to lighten her mood. Zoya felt her face heat up; she blushed knowing how much she truly loved Asad. Zoya swallowed nervously as she tried to sort out her feelings. Seeing Asad in pain earlier made her heart break too, his simplest touch caused her heart to beat away like there was no tomorrow, his smile and his dimples made her swoon and made her feel butterflies in her stomach and his husky deep voice, made her weak at the knees but his anger always found a way to make her resent him.  

“Zoya?” Dilshad's soft voice interrupted Zoya’s inner reverie.  

“Ammi, I was just thinking, that … the gas cylinder was working fine when Najma helped me change it. We made the evening meal and all. I followed all the instructions and everything so I don’t see how in the time Najma and I came back later in the day to warm up the food in preparation before Mr. Khan got home, how and why it just blew,” Zoya froze as vivid images of the small explosion conjured into her mind's eye. She was thoroughly scared when it happened, all she could think of was losing the baby, losing Mr. Khan. What would've happened if she hadn't survived?

“Zoya,” Dilshad said as she placed her hand on Zoya’s shoulder as she read the pain and horror that was now evident on her face. Dilshad saw a fresh set of tears glistening in Zoya’s eyes.

“Zoya. All is fine now, all will be fine, mein hoon yahaan meri bacchi,” Dilshad caressed Zoya’s face, wiping a stray tear off Zoya’s cheek.

“Ammi, wo Tanveer - ,” Zoya blurted out in bewilderment turning to face an alert Dilshaad. Zoya’s instincts told her that Tanveer had something to do with the whole gas cylinder thing, she felt utterly uneasy around Tanveer, something about her just wasn’t right. Zoya didn’t know how to bring this up with her beloved Ammi, she just couldn’t blame anyone without the proper evidence.  Dilshad watched Zoya’s face twist in repulsion; she was stunned hearing Tanveer’s name on Zoya’s lips.

“I know Ammi, yoon bewajaa kisi pe shak karna acchi baat nahin hai, lekin … I feel that Tanveer does not like me. Jab bhi mein uski taraf dekti hoon, well she is always rolling her eyes at me, she thinks I don’t notice it but I do. She sugar-coats everything, pretends to be too sweet and all. I know! It's stupid to think so but I'm sick and tired when she clutches Mr. Khan so unashamedly. I find her creepy. I have guy friends too back in New York but I don’t jump on them the way Tanveer jumps on Mr. Khan. I bet even right now Ms. Tehzeeb and Tameez Tanu is canoodling her Jammy. Maybe this is farfetched and I have lost my mind but I feel she wants me gone,” Zoya was breathing heavily as she spoke through gritted teeth.

“Dekho Zoya, Tanveer ke bare mein  … where do I begin. She has lied about a lot of things, I don’t want to dwell too much on that right now, but I need to compile evidence and only then Asad will truly believe anything I say against her. Tanu told us all that her factory had burnt down, but she keeps meeting up with these random people, there’s tons of cash hidden under her bed, well that was true until I checked again and there was nothing there. There were some papers too, I can’t quite remember what was on those papers but she got heated when I asked her about it. And then the day you had left and we went to drop you to the airport, when Najma and I came home, Tanu was acting really weird. I’m not too sure but she was wearing a rather racy number under her gown that day, and she was in Asad’s room and mujhe aisa laga ke … well it looked like she was going to trap and entice Asad but she said that she was just cleaning the room out for laundry. I don’t buy it. Mein maanti hoon, that Tanveer most definitely ignited Asad’s anger tonight, and kahin na kahin mujhe aisa lagta hai ke … maybe the whole cylinder thing was her doing. A few nights ago when Asad had gone to speak to Tanveer on her request, she was sniggering much to his ignorance. I feel she despises you, shayyad iss liye kyun ki … you are where she had always wanted to be,” Dilshaad spoke pensively; her worries were etched across her face as she looked to Zoya in despair.

“Ammi, koi baat nahin, from now on I will be more careful and observant around Tanu, we just can’t let her know we are on to her otherwise she’ll surely find a way to wriggle herself out of trouble,” Zoya reassured her Ammi as she watched Najma enter the room with a tray of food.

“Wo Bhaijaan ne kaha, so I brought you some food,” Najma spoke nervously as she approached Zoya with the food tray that she lay on the bed with care; she watched Zoya’s expression change from frustration to anger on hearing Asad had sent her food, to which Najma smiled cautiously hoping she would see reason and eat.

The sound of rain pelting outside the window continued in fierce succession, as the water washed over the glass arrogantly in sheets, the pestilent wind rose and gusted against the window pane as Zoya turned her face squinting at the foggy window to ignore Najma, she didn’t want to eat because Asad had insisted. Seriously like now he was showering his concern? The silence in the room was all encompassing as Dilshaad looked to Najma to persuade Zoya to eat.

Najma cleared her throat to get Zoya’s attention as she placed the tray of food closer to Zoya, “Aap abhi bhi kuch nahin kaa ye gi, are you still angry with Mr. Bodybuilder, surely you must be hungry?” Najma spoke nervously as she watched Zoya’s expression change for a split second to a faint smile when she heard Najma call her brother Mr. Bodybuilder.

“Nahin mujhe buk nahin hai, I’m not hungry,” Zoya feigned anger as she grimaced inwardly. Who was she kidding, her stomach was miserably rumbling, she was hungry as a bear and for all she cared she could eat a horse right now. She looked to Najma resolutely, “I’m not hungry, and anyhow my stomach is pretty full with all of Jahapanaah-6-packs taunts and angry words, ek bhi bite nahin kaaongi, mujhe kasam hai,” Zoya hesitated as she sniffed the familiar aroma of the food that now saturated the room, it was her favourite, - “mujhe kasam hai pizza ki, I won’t eat a morsel that he has sent,” Zoya groaned inwardly as she took a long steady inhalation of the pizza on the food tray. 

Dammit so Mr. Khan found a way to get her attention. He ordered for her a large extra cheesy, extra hot margherita pizza topped with pineapples and green flakes of chilli, oh how much she had been craving for a pizza for days on end. Silly man! But no Zoya decided she would not eat anything Asad had sent as she turned her gaze back towards the window.

“Oh-ho, let it be, just have a few slices, aap subah se buki hai,” Najma lifted a pizza slice to entice Zoya, she knew how much Zoya really wanted to devour the entire box from her reaction a few seconds ago.

“Mujhe abhi nahin kaana hai,” Zoya retorted as a child.

“Asad Bhaijaan ne jo kaha oonki baaton se aap ko bura laga, but this pizza shouldn’t be a problem, ye pizza hai Bhaijaan nahin hai,” Najma reasoned.

“Aur nahin toh kya, main maanti hoon, shayad aaj maine bahut bari galti ki, aur oonka gussa karna jayez tha – lek-“ Zoya spoke irately now, her hunger knew no bounds and all she really wanted to do was eat to her hearts content but she felt she would look stupid eating the pizza Asad had sent for her after blatantly stating that she didn’t want to be under the same roof as him.

“Lekin Asad Bhaijaan aur understanding ho sakte te, isn’t that right?” Najma spoke, a smile broke out against her lips as she realised that through her reasoning Zoya had become so immersed that she ended up picking up the pizza box off the tray reflexively and began eating away. Dilshaad watched affectionately as Zoya thoughtlessly began to eat, she smiled at Najma thanking her for getting Zoya to eat.

“Exactly, ab teek hai, galti toh har kisi se se hoti hai. But did you see how Mr. Bodybuilder was getting on? Tumne dekha woh aise shout kar rahe te, jaise –“ Zoya spoke through each mouthful as she continued to bad mouth Asad.

“Jaise duniya katam ho gayyi ho?” Najma giggled at Zoya.

“Exactly! Ok fine, I agree, what happened today, it was very scary ... par kabhi mein galtiyan nahin bhi karti hoon, lekin koi na koi bahaan doon ke wo Jahapanah-6-packs mujhe daante hai, that sometimes I feel that his favourite hobby is to reprimand me, tell me off and just shout at me, I’m not a baby you know,” Zoya protested as she continued to eat the pizza, the sauce lingered all over her face, earning a smile from both Najma and Dilshaad.

“Wo aise hi hai Zoya,” Dilshaad caressed Zoya’s head affectionately, “- pata hai … he only gets angry at those he loves and cares for, his anger comes from hurt and in this case fear. Aur gusse mein insaan bahut kuch bol ja ta hai, lekin gusse mein kahe gaye karwe bol dil se nahin lagana chaahiye Zoya, wo bhi tumhare janaab kadoos Bodybuilder ki baton ka,” Dilshaad giggled as she watched Zoya’s expression, the corners of her lips lifted in the sweetest smile.

“That’s right Ammi, kadoos kahi ka,” Zoya giggled as she finished the last pizza slice burping loudly winning another round of laughter from Najma and Dilshaad.

“Ok fine dekho na, listen to me carefully, I know you don’t want to talk to Asad right now but when you’re mad at someone you care for, the best way to deal with your unhealed anger is to talk about it. When someone causes you pain, you may have the impulse to respond like a child and try to hurt them back. Unfortunately, this will only make both of you feel worse and spending too much time in opposite ends of the house isn’t going to solve anything Zoya. Living separately isn’t a good idea because someone like Tanveer may take advantage of it to further create problems. When Asad was younger, if I was just a little late reaching home, Asad use to scold me just the way he scolds you, even though I was his mother he still treated me like a child, like I would get loss or something. But I knew how to control his anger, poochon kaise?” Dilshaad lifted Zoya’s chin tenderly as she reasoned with Zoya to think through this current arrangement of sleeping in separate rooms. 

“Kaise Ammi,” Zoya asked curiously as she pondered over how crazy Asad was, like seriously he use to reprimand his Ammi too. Wow this man had some serious issues, Bechaari Phoophi-Ammi - Zoya thought on hearing how crazy Asad truly was.

“A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, yep cliche. But that is so true even for your Jahapanah-6-packs. I use to make his favourite dish to console him, tab jaa ke uska gussa thanda hota tha. And since you’ve already made some of his favourite dishes I think it would be wise for you to go and talk to him. I’m not going to pressurise you to do that, you do so only if you wish to, but eventually you should go find your husband and talk to him and after this pregnancy make more little grand-babies that I can spoil. If you need anything call me,” Dilshaad spoke tenderly as she caressed Zoya’s baby bump, kissing her forehead urging her to get some rest for now.

“Jaane se pehle, ek sher ho jaaye,” Zoya squealed in excitement as she watched Najma and Dilshaad giggle, tears now glistened in their respective eyes as the nostalgia of Zoya’s nonsensical shayari engulfed both of them. It had been months they had been deprived of Zoya’s silly poems.

“Irshaad, irhsaad,” Najma and Dilshaad giggled.

“Jab bhi gusse mein ho Jahapana whenever he is mean, jab bhi gusse mein ho Jahapana whenever he is mean, unhe sirf mana sakta hai khana behtereen,” Zoya giggled animatedly earning a round of laughter from Najma and Dilshaad, tears strayed joyfully from their respective eyes, it had been months and finally Zoya broke out in nonsensical shayari. Najma and Dilshaad both bid Zoya good night and turning out the light, Zoya yawned and cuddled up for yet another night of misery without her Mr. Khan, as if three months had not been enough.

Zoya turned her tired eyes towards the frosty window, she pondered over the day’s events as her eyes traced the dark ashy clouds that moved swiftly across the sky as thunder rumbled in the distance, and with that she felt all alone once more. The thrumming beat of the rain against the window and rooftop made her feel unsettled as she thought of ways to talk to Asad. Shattering flashes of lightning broke through the darkness of her room, the eerie shedding of white and blue bolts of lightning across the room made Zoya shudder in fear as she turned to face away from the window snuggling up to and seeking comfort from the warm hot water bottle that Najma had left for her but her eyes caught something on the nightstand next to her iPad. 

She sat up straight in bed switching on the bedside lamp to quench her curiosity; her head slightly tilted in disbelief as she closed the distance and reached out for the familiar black leather wallet that lay open on the nightstand. It was Asad’s wallet. With shaking fingers she lifted the wallet, just letting it rest in her hands for a while before she finally turned it over to examine the photo inside the sheer sleeve of the wallet. She instantly recognised the photo; a lone tear fell from her eyes as the faces on the photograph stared back at her.  How and why Asad came to possess this photo shocked Zoya.  Reaching into the sheer sleeve of the wallet, her fingers pulled out the familiar thinness of the photograph that rested inside the wallet, holding it for dear life in her trembling hands.  She ignored her own face in the photo only to place her longing gaze at the forced smile of the man beside her in the photo; it was in black and white and frozen in time. It was photo taken 4 months ago at a family mehndi. Zoya recalled how happy she was that day, she was decked in a beautiful pink saree and she had insisted they all take a photo together for memories sake. She wanted souvenirs, sweet tokens of her time in Bhopal. Zoya traced Asad’s face in the photo longingly, his face was plastered with a prominent cringe in reaction to her mehndi decorated hands waving frantically in front of his annoyed face while Najma and Ammi smiled delighted at their shenanigans. The photo was picture-perfect, awkward but perfect. She recalled how she had pulled him and forced him to take a picture with them, rubbing mehndi all over his clean and crisp white kurta. He cringed in reaction to the smell of mehndi. Zoya’s eyes now teared as she smiled back at the photograph in her hands, her heart squeezed tighter now knowing that Asad had kept this photo with him all these months in his wallet as a precious token. He really did care for her then, he did love her.

Zoya stirred as the muted blaze of the lightning streaming through the large glass window, she grumbled as she was mentally and physically exhausted in a way she hadn’t felt before but her eyes then caught a second item lodged within the wallet. A familiar yellow gold item met her gaze bringing forth with it memories of the day Asad had saved her from the wretched Akram. Zoya’s hands trembled as she pulled out her earring from Asad’s leather wallet; the one precious heirloom she thought she had lost now looked back at her in awe. So Mr. Khan had this earring all along? Then why did he not just give it back to her? Zoya lifted the earring closer to her eyes for inspection; her hands traced the intricate filigree detail engraved on the gold earring, tears now sparkled in her eyes as she tried hard to choke back her cries, her heartbeat raced uncontrollably and a sudden inner warmth overpowered her as she realised she had been so wrong about Asad. He had kept her most valued possession to himself; he kept a part of her with him at all times. Seriously this man needed to come with a warning label. For how many months had he loved Zoya, she smiled inwardly knowing he loved her all along.

The loud shrill of an incoming call on Zoya’s iPad startled her breaking her reverire, drawing her concentration away from the earring and the photo she retrieved from the wallet in front of her. Nargis’s name flashed alarmingly on the iPad. Wiping her tears, Zoya swallowed hard before putting on a happy face to answer Nargis’s call.

“Hey Babes,” Nargis’s cheerful pitchy voice sounded across the cold darkness of the guest room as Zoya smiled back at her hiding her tears.

“Hey Nargis,” was all Zoya could respond shakily.

“You have some nerves buddy. Do you have any idea how crazy I’ve been when you haven’t answered any of my calls? Texts, emails, don’t even ask in how many different ways I tried contacting you. I AM WORRIED SICK, JUST PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE OK? Wait a second,” Nargis’s halted her speech as she glared at the background of Zoya’s bedroom, there was something different about the surroundings.

“Where exactly are you babes? I don’t recognise the room you are in now,” Nargis shifted in her seat as she tried to get a better look of the room from her camera view on the iPad screen.

“I’m back at Khan Villa, Mr. Jerkface-6-packs found me all thanks to your stupid emails,” Zoya glared at the screen as she had a quick scramble through all the emails that Nargis had sent to her even when she had specifically told her that she had lost her iPad. How did Asad ever figure-out the password anyways, Zoya thought.

“Wow. Really? Like how did he convince you to come back there with him? I already know you married him. Your Aapi and Jeeju sent me a wedding reception card. It was like a slap to my face when I read the card. It took me by surprise, like seriously you married him after everything that happened? Where is the idiot anyway?” Nargis asked curiously as she watched Zoya’s expression sour.

“Really? Wow that was fast, news just spreads like wildfire. I didn’t choose to come back here; I was unconscious at the time so I had no say. He only found me because of you and your emails. Don’t even ask me about the wedding, it’s not like I had a choice in this –“ Zoya teared as she looked around the guest room, “And the idiot isn’t here in this room. This is not our room, just the guest room,” Zoya swallowed back her tears as she watched Nargis’s face twist in confusion.

“Wait … what? So you’re married but you live in separate rooms?” Nargis looked at Zoya intently for a response. This had to be a joke right? Nargis knew that Asad was a strange man, maybe he had some fetish for sleeping in separate rooms. Maybe it was a turn on for him or maybe he just got tired of Zoya’s incessant snoring and crazy sleep talk. Nargis’s mind wondered back to an article she had read in Cosmoplitan magazine – Separate rooms are the new Black! - or some weird title thereof about couples who had amazing sex lives and lasting relationships if they slept in separate rooms.

“Nargis, babes, where are you lost,” Zoya snapped Nargis out of her reverie. “Don’t even ask me what happened but this separate room thing was my idea. We had a fight today,” Zoya grimaced as she narrated the entire story about the gas cylinder accident and told her bestie everything that happened from the night Asad turned up to the Villa in Shamla Hills up till now.

“Zoya, babes, tum pagal ho. You’re stupid. Ok fine I hated the man when you first told me about him but I can see that he has changed from what you’ve said. Like dude, give him a chance already. So he slipped up and under the circumstances it was likely he reacted the way he did today. Just forget about what he said, for the sake of your marriage and more importantly your sanity. You both have been like dancing this sexy tango of intense arguments, crazy jealousy, heated eye staring matches and soft touches for each other months on end. Now is the time to be there for him in HIS BEDROOM AS HIS WIFE,” Nargis shouted down the video call on the iPad instructively.

“Now you know he loves you, in his own weird special way, of course after all this is your weird and obsessive Jahapanah-6-packs we’re talking about. So don’t leave him all alone otherwise that Tanveer or whatever she is called surely will take advantage of the situation. In fact go and check on him right now,” Nargis demanded her voice stoic for she meant business.

“And I need the guest room you are sleeping in. I HOPE to be flying in a few days before your big day, well technically your second big day … oh what-evs babe, I’m so-so-so excited,” Nargis squealed in excitement as she kissed her iPad screen conveying a heart-warming congratulations to Zoya. Her bestie was all grown and married and knocked up with Mr. Jerkface-6-packs, Nargis thought excitedly.

“I can’t just walk into his room after saying I didn’t want to share the same room as him, he’ll just think I’m crazy,” Zoya groaned inwardly but a faint smile crept on her lips.

“What are you grinning at like an idiot babe?” Nargis asked pulling Zoya out of her reverie, her eyes winked flirtatiously over the video call. Zoya met her bestie’s eyes square on; she knew perfectly well what Nargis was implying, a faint hue of crimson flushed her cheeks as she looked at Nargis bashfully.

“Nothing, just stuff you know, OMG,” Zoya exasperated, hiding her face in shame behind a fluffy pillow.

“Stuff?” Nargis giggled like a teenager, “You mean like Asad’s stuff?” Nargis responded tongue in cheek.

“Cheee Nargis! I have no idea what you're talking about,” Zoya replied awkwardly.

“Awww. See babes, you're thinking about him, aren't you?” Nargis spoke teasingly a crazy smile plastered to her face as she raised her eyebrow at Zoya mischievously. Zoya blinked many times at the iPad screen at her friend’s outspoken mannerisms on her sex life with Asad.

“Don’t be such a spoil sport, you never told me the details about how the first time with him was. Just a few seconds ago you had that distant look where you seem to be a million miles away … you know thinking about his stuff," Nargis inquired tongue in cheek.

“No - no, I was just ...” Zoya tried explaining as the blush on her pale cheeks radiated.

“Daydreaming about your hunky hubby?” Nargis teased, earning a sweet smile from Zoya hearing her bestie call Asad hunky and hubby in one sentence.

“Oh come on now babes. You seem a little frustrated. Nothing wrong with your sex life right? Is Mr. Akdu keeping you satisfied? Is he a sex-god or not?” Nargis continued her teasing.

Zoya could not help but blush as she glared at her crazy friend on the screen of the iPad, like how the hell was she supposed to know if he was a sex-god or not? Well yes if Zoya thought about it then yes Mr. Khan was damn smoking sexy. But seriously Zoya could not even remember the first time with him, it was all a massive haze but in the hollow spot of her memory, she tried to recall the events of the rainy night months ago at the farmhouse. She recalled the wind blowing on her face, the whooping sound that roared inside her ears from the passing wind and rumbling thunder, the blaring of some familiar music serenaded as she remembered the tenderness with which Asad’s hands had traced her body under the wash of the splendid torrential rain, the way he scooped her up in his strong and loving arms and carried her to the bed where his fingers had traced her face, her lips and every inch of her body learning the depths and curves of her skin for the first time.

“Earth to Mrs. Zoya Asad Ahmed Khan,” Nargis snapped Zoya out of reverie as she barked out in laughter at Zoya daydreaming.

“Accha suno, you can deny it all you want, I know you were thinking about your hunky hubby’s bedroom skills, you face says it all. Well I’m here to help you. Dekho,” Nargis declared pointing to a glossy article she flashed in the iPad screen gleefully at Zoya. It looked like one of those raunchy articles in Cosmopolitan, the title stood out in bold red print.

“There’s this awesome article on sex positions in pregnancy, I think you should read it and have a fun naughty game of naked twister with your Jahanpanah-6-packs in bed to rekindle your romance. Here check this one out,” Nargis babbled away giggling as she pointed to a weird straddling position which looked super awkward, “Maybe you should walk in to the room and pounce on him like-“

“OMG, OMG – OMG - OK, ok, bahut raat ho chuki hai, it’s really late so I’m going now,” Zoya shrieked embarrassingly as she decided to end the call, overwhelmed with the racy suggestions her bestie insisted upon.

“I’ll take a pic of the article and email to you, show it to him too. See you soon babes,” Nargis’s voice trailed off giggly as she winked and waved Zoya good night watching Zoya shrink in embarrassment at the thought of intimacy she had just suggested to Zoya to act upon promptly with her mister.

 Zoya sighed heavily as she closed the iPad switching it off, smiling to herself as she realised she was about to do what she had not intended to do tonight. She collected the iPad and the wallet carefully placing the photo and earing back inside and walked over on her dainty feet toward her suitcase. So much had happened in one night and Zoya had made up her mind. It had been slowly coming to a full boil in her mind; the familiar falling of torrential rain reminded her of that one unforgettable rainy night at the farmhouse, and everything about the rain pelting against the window reminded her of Asad’s touch. She looked outside through the frosty glass window from where she stood. In the dark of the night the tall grey buildings and dark green trees blurred into one huge union of grey as the rain danced across the terrain, the pink roses and yellow tulips swayed victoriously in the wind and rain, their vibrant colours split and spread into each other like the drizzling rain and with that thought Zoya walked out of her room into the dark hallway. She had the strangest feeling that something was not quite right.

The rainstorm seemed to be getting worse as flashes of lightning flickered against the walls of the quiet villa. Zoya silently dragged her suitcase across the cold marble floor towards Asad’s room, her eyes were quick to notice Asad’s bedroom door was ajar; a sliver of light radiated through the small gap in the door and from within stirred the voices of Asad and Tanveer. Frowning in despair Zoya tipped on her toes and hid behind the pillar next to Asad’s room secretively, glancing into the room through the small gap in the door. Ammi and Nargis were both right, Zoya thought; she needed to close the distance between her and Asad because Tanveer was already at work trying her best to separate her and Asad. Disappointed and too wired to go back and sleep in the guest room, Zoya peered in more from behind the pillar, her heartbeat quickened, her stomach clenched and her curiosity now ached as she feared losing Asad, and deep down in her core she felt sick knowing that whatever Tanveer was saying would make Asad regret their marriage.

“Jammy,” Tanveer’s irritatingly sweet voice pierced the silence in a tone that made Zoya feel sick.

“Tanu, tum iss waqt … yahaan?” Asad’s voice bellowed imperceptibly in the darkness.

“Jammy, hum jaante hai ke aap bahut pareshaan hai. When Zoya had insisted on changing the cylinder, that’s when I felt that … aaj kuch na kuch bura hone wala hai. You know how stubborn she is; her stubbornness caused such a massive problem. But I feel as though she set up that explosion to cause you pain … aakhir aap ne jo … well you forced her to marry you, toh wo aap se badlaa le rahi hai, she wants you to feel hurt,” Tanveer’s voice trailed off as she watched Asad pack away clothes into a holdall, he walked dismally from his wardrobe to the holdall on the green settee.

“Jammy, why are you doing all of this? Ye sab kuch aap Zoya ke liye kar rahe ho na?” Tanveer inquired further when Asad did not respond to her earlier statement.

“Mujhe iss waqt tumse baat nahin karni. I told you before too, that this is my bedroom, mines and Zoya’s bedroom. Iss room pe sirf Zoya ka haq hai,” Asad threw the last item of clothing into the holdall in frustration. He looked at Tanveer irately.

“Look Tanu, it’s late, you should not be here. I clearly told you that as friends there are some boundaries, I guess I didn’t make it clear enough; don’t come into my room again. And for what you said that Zoya wants to hurt me … toh sunno … mujhe iss se koi farak nahin parta, if she did or she didn’t intend to. Meri zindagi ke har pal pe sirf Zoya ka haq hai. Whatever I decide and do from now on is only for her. Har saans ke saat dua karoonga ke wo jahaan bhi rahein wo khush rahen,” Asad spoke decisively, his voice was stoic and pained all the same.

“Par Jammy,” Tanveer pleaded innocence.

“Please leave,” Asad spoke as he turned away and focused his eyes at the rain outside.

Tanveer was grinning widely as she exited Asad’s bedroom, she felt triumphant after seeing the single plane ticket booking on Asad’s unattended laptop screen, her mind wandered over his words from a few minutes ago - Whatever I decide and do from now on is only for her. Har saans ke saat dua karoonga ke wo jahaan bhi rahein wo khush rahen, - Asad’s voice echoed in Tanveer’s evil mind, she felt at peace as she now perceived her biggest obstacle Zoya would soon be gone. The thunder rolled across the sky ominously as Tanveer headed up the stairs towards her room, completely oblivious to Zoya’s presence. Tanveer entered her room and retired to bed like she had won against Zoya.

The darkness started to shroud the hallway as the clouds outside thickened obscuring the dull moonlight lighting the hallway. Zoya stirred behind the cold marble pillar just outside Asad’s bedroom, the darkness made her feel claustrophobic, she clutched the handle of her suitcase tighter until the aching whites of her knuckles gleamed in the dim light coming from the small gap in Asad’s room door.  A handful of tears ran down her cheeks at the sound of the urgency in his voice as he was currently deeply engrossed in a phone call. Zoya could see Asad’s silhouette pacing across his room in rage, his voice sounded more furious as she cautiously neared the bedroom door, she dragged her suitcase nervously behind her. There was a noticeable pause in the conversation as Zoya stood at the threshold of the door, Asad had gone quiet. Zoya now saw how dishevelled Asad looked; he was still dressed in his office attire, his suit jacket thrown haphazardly on the green settee next to a holdall luggage bag.

“I understand your concern, but I'm not cancelling the plane ticket. I’ve decided for her already. I know it's a little abrupt and all, but it’s going to happen regardless. It’s for her own good, Zoya will feel better, the circumstances are out of my control,” Asad argued with someone on the other side of the phone call, confusing Zoya even further. Why had Asad booked a plane ticket and who was he talking to at this time of the night? Was he about to get rid of her?

The cold rain pelted at the window, drumming a hypnotising beat that thrummed painfully as Zoya watched Asad throw his phone onto the green settee in frustration after he had ended the call. He leaned forward dismally; his forehead pressed against the cold window as though he were in pain, his eyes stared miserably outside at the rainstorm. The lightning flashed disturbingly illuminating the trees in the lawn overlooking Asad’s bedroom swaying wildly in the wind, casting eerie shadows against the white walls of his bedroom. Asad stared into the emptiness in front of him, lost in his thoughts he hadn’t noticed Zoya standing dejectedly at the threshold of his bedroom door. Every now and again the thunder would rumble shocking his heart and making him cringe involuntarily. Icy wind stole through the cracks in the windows and doors and snaked delicately around his skin making him shiver in misery.

The night was now dark and shadowed as Asad stood and stared out of the window dismally as he remembered the time when Zoya had fixed his mobile phone that he had broken in rage in reaction to one of her silly pranks. He recalled how she had tried to console him by stringing his mobile to a red ribbon and lowering it to his bedroom window from the first floor because he had strictly told her to stay away from his room. He smiled ruefully at his thoughts, at how Zoya was always there for him; she would always try and pacify him after they had an argument and especially after he had blasted all his anger at her. Where was she now? Why hadn’t she come out of the guest room to comfort him? After everything he said, why would she? - his conscious mocked him relentlessly. His mind wandered over the events of the day as his eyes traced the grey lines of rain that pelted in succession across the window. He remembered how scared and offended she had looked when he said those repulsive things to her today. He had come so close to winning her over only to have hurt her even more.

Seeing her all bandaged up when she returned home after the explosion made Asad want to run to Zoya and tell her that he was sorry, and that he was a fool and that it was as scary for him as it was for her, that he was afraid of losing her and that he loved and cared for her even if it didn’t occur to her. Asad was deeply shaken by his near loss today, he almost loss Zoya, his heart throbbed painfully as he swallowed back the lump in his throat. He balled his fists in anger as he wanted to punish himself for even thinking that she would deliberately harm herself and the baby.  How could he have got it so spectacularly wrong? Was anything Tanveer said true in any way? It was human nature that we saw only what we wanted to see, maybe Asad had wanted to see a bright happy future with Zoya, but maybe she had not wanted the same as him? Maybe he had rushed everything? With a weakness of over analysing things, Asad stopped the direction of his thoughts. He had gone around in plenty of futile circles these past few months trying to figure out Zoya and what had gone wrong between them. She could not possibly have done that deliberately his mind and heart consoled him as he recalled how she had left him all those months ago because she was deeply hurt and to spare him from feeling guilty.

Asad closed his eyes ruefully, pinching the bridge of his nose in sorrow. He lifted his eyes wearily to view the rain outside; sleep was far from his eyes tonight.  The grey lines of the rain drizzled resentfully against his window and he slowly raise his furrowed gaze trailing the course of the pitter-patter running down in a wash against the glass of his window. He looked up at his anguished reflection in the glass of his room window and that is when his eyes caught Zoya’s reflection. Asad saw her face in the frosty glass of the window, her reflection dismal, her hands trembled as she clutched a suitcase to her right side with her bandaged hand, her eyes bloodshot staring at him warily, a sense of broken trust and a hollow sense of unexplained loss pierced his heart. He raised his hands anxiously, his movements jerky to touch her reflection – “Zoya,” he whispered deprived of her warmness as his burning hands touched the cold glass of the window. He spun around immediately realising she was really there, his eyes trailed upsettingly to the suitcase at her side, he was confused and utterly hurt. Was she leaving? He faced her now, his heart clenched at Zoya's heartbroken expression. Her eyes were puffy and red from the tears she had cried.

“The door was open - ” Zoya trailed off, her voice shaky as she lifted her head to meet his gaze. Her eyes then swung momentarily at the holdall bag on the large green settee, remnants of his and her clothing hung out from the sides, her eyes now began to stream. She recalled his conversation with Tanveer, Asad’s decisive voice reverberated in her mind - Whatever I decide and do from now on is only for her. Har saans ke saat dua karoonga ke wo jahaan bhi rahein wo khush rahen. She swallowed hard as she remembered his phone conversation about booking a plane ticket and his decision was final. Asad looked at Zoya with big eyes that grew worried when he took in the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Zoya are you okay?” Asad asked softly, but didn't move from where he was standing for fear he would only make things worse than they already were. He did not want to bring up the topic about the horrendous day that Zoya was now walking away from.  This mess that was their life was on the verge of crashing down, the picture-perfect image he held up for her after their big talk now seemed distant, it shattered to a falsity at long last. Zoya swallowed hard, her throat was immensely dry as she choked back her tears and drew her eyebrows together into a frown.

“Aap … the suitcase on your settee? Are you packing the rest of my things?” Zoya asked ignoring his question completely.

Asad heaved a heavy sigh and shook his head slightly, his response came across ambiguously, as his eyes grew narrower, he shot a quick glance at the suitcase at Zoya’s side that she now clenched tightly with her bandaged hand, fresh blood oozed from the wound soaking through the dressing, the image unsettled Asad immensely but he was scared that his concern maybe rejected for Zoya would hate it if he dared touch her now. Asad looked to Zoya for answers; his heart throbbed with pain as he now felt his world crashing in on him. She was leaving him in the dead of the night. She was here to collect the rest of her belongings.  

“Are you picking up the rest of your things?” Asad spoke shakily; his tone conveyed a sadness Zoya had never heard before. She hated it, she decided quickly. And she hated the fact that she was the reason for it even more, he had not hesitated, he had packed the remainder of her items already.

“No,” Zoya swallowed hard shaking her head nervously; her eyes teared as she held her breath for dear life. Their relationship was now in shambles and now he wanted her gone. He didn’t hesitate packing the rest of her belongings Zoya thought inwardly, her heart ached at his rejection once more.

“Aap – abhi – jaa rahi – hai ?” Asad struggled to voice his words, the cry that burst in his lungs now stuck in his throat as he swallowed back his tears, his voice was a mere whisper in the darkness, his words stuck in his throat as he voiced them brokenly. Zoya was actually leaving him right now, his heart ached for her, he felt a growing sense of consternation as he watched Zoya clenched the handle of her suitcase even more, she stood listless, her tearful eyes looked at him resentfully. The only response Asad got was a loud sob. Needlessly to say, that did nothing to ease Asad’s concern for Zoya, as he now closed his eyes and took a deep breath in order to get a grip on the panic that rose in his chest, he felt a darkness around him like the air had turned solid, pressing in on him, no sooner he immediately snapped his eyes open as he heard Zoya shuffle to move from where she stood.

“Zoya-“ Asad whispered once more remorsefully, he tilted his head to get a clearer view of her face.  Asad tentatively placed his hand on her shoulder and turned her by her fragile shoulders to face him. He was met with unshed tears, her dispassion where he - her husband - was concerned, now made sense to him in the dim light of their bedroom. She had all the right to be angry with him. Zoya shrugged his hand off her shoulder; her eyes grew wide with uncertainty, a part of her considered crossing to the other side of the room to pitch any item she could find at him. She contemplated this manoeuvre with a small, detached part of her mind but her heart throbbed with longing to be in his arms again. Why hadn’t he rushed forward to hug her yet?  The items in his room were safe, of course. Smashing it would take action, and action took willpower, and Zoya had used up all the available quotient of that precious commodity crying over the idiot husband and packing her suitcase, but most of her, however, was still upset, unwilling to face him now.

The moonlight filtered through the swaying trees in the lawn, the shadows they casted danced miserably on the white walls of Asad’s bedroom. The old clock on the nightstand ticked in the otherwise silent house as Asad waited for Zoya to say anything. The clock just ticked.

And ticked.

And ticked.

And ticked.

Half an hour ago, Zoya was fine or it seemed as Asad recalled Najma had shown him the empty pizza box, his concern for her grew more now as he was alarmed at her sudden intrusion with a suitcase ready at hand. There was something wrong with her. Terribly wrong! And Asad had no idea how he could console her now for he had exhausted his vows the night of their big talk, they seem lame now as he had broken her trust yet again.  He couldn't bear seeing Zoya upset. Ironically, he was the reason for her hurt and unintended pain more often than he could admit. The result of an upset Zoya was a guilt ridden Asad. The immediate shame and regret he felt after yet another one of their fights was of epic proportions. It was his fault that she was leaving; his heart throbbed relentlessly in his chest. If it were up to him, the smile would never leave Zoya's face.  She must have thought he was a selfish brute, but he wasn’t, he groaned inwardly. If only she knew that his selfishness and anger were a manifestation of his undying love for her. He needed her to stay, to keep smiling, because if she left, if she gave into negativity, if she gave into the anger and fear that he blasted at her, then his own shadows would swallow him whole. She was his inspiration, his reason for living, his solitary ray of sunshine, peeking between the thick gunmetal clouds in the torrential rains. 

It didn't matter anymore what had happened and why, it did not matter that she had slapped him earlier, he deserved it he thought ruefully, and it did not matter what Tanveer had rambled on about, yet he felt a glimmer of hope knowing that Zoya had always made miserable attempts to make him happy when he was brooding – he was drawn to her light and positivity. He would be damned twice over if she left again. Why had she not tried this time to soothe his anger and pain? Asad sighed, realising that he wasn't going to get any type of response from Zoya, his heart clenched at her heartbroken expression. Her eyes were puffy and red from the tears she'd cried. Asad was confused, as he caught Zoya’s glare at the computer screen, his eyes trailed on the screen where a confirmation message of a plane ticket gleamed threateningly. Zoya swallowed hard, her eyes squinted at the screen, she could not quite make out the details of the ticket but it was a confirmation of some sort and with that she narrowed her eyes in disbelief as she looked away from Asad towards the door.

Accha! Toh Mr. Khan nahin chaahte ke mein yahaan rahoon … he doesn’t want me to stay here anymore. The pizza and all that … wo sab ek dekhawaa tha. No point in using that stupid article Nargis sent. Zoya thought painfully fighting back her tears internally.

Wo actually … You’ve got it all wrong Zoya. Asad thought inwardly as he tentatively took steps towards Zoya, his eyes conveyed a deep sense of loss, and she had gotten the wrong idea, that ticket wasn’t what she had just perceived.

Zoya no longer wants to stay here with me. Tum khud jaa rahi ho mujhse dur, uss ka kya Zoya? Asad brooded inwardly, his thoughts wandered with uncertainty, his eyes rested on Zoya’s dainty steps as she made her way to the threshold of the door, her suitcase dragged dismally behind her.

Mr. Khan was never mines; I was a fool to think otherwise. Heaven knows why he even insisted on this nikaah. Kyun kiya ye sab? Zoya clenched the suitcase determinedly with her bandaged hand, she ignored the throbbing pain that now radiated from her wounded hand as her inner dialogue continued to battle with her aching heart.

Zoya - I was always yours. I belong to you. You can do anything you want with me, anything. You can ask anything of me and I will break myself trying to make you happy. Bas ek baar meri taraf dekho, my love is waiting with open arms for you. I’ll always be here for you. Asad thought as he breathed heavily, his mind and heart were not at rest seeing her leave, and his eyes welled with tears as he watched her retreating form.

You said you’d always be there. Aap ne mera barosa thoda hai Mr. Khan. Bewakoof toh mein ti jo Mr. Khan ki baaton mein aa gayyi. Zoya heaved a heavy sighed as her thoughts wandered over how much she had trusted Asad with her heart especially after their big talk and reconciliation. Her eyes flickered miserably for a split second at Asad.

She doesn’t trust me. Asad thought heaving a heavy sigh, a dull ache now tugged at his heart.

His promises were all lies. Sab jhoot ta. The pizza, his fake care, he did that all to show Ammi and Najma how caring he is so after I leave he’ll say that he did everything to stop me. He just needed a reason to send me away, and he got one in the end. Truly, Mr Khan ke dil mein seena nahin patar hai. Zoya thought dismally, she tried to think of where she might go to be alone with her anger and where she could let go of the endless painful lump in her throat that she choked back hoping she would not turn into a mess in front of him. He didn’t care for her tears surely?

Zoya ko aisa lagta hai … that I’m heartless. I’m sure right now she must be berating me with her notorious reference that … mere dil mein seena nahin hai patar hai. Asad thought repentantly his eyes traced Zoya’s unenergetic steps as she approached the door of the bedroom. He could not bear the prospect of him losing her again; his chilly brown eyes gave away his grief as his heart thrummed frantically.

I still want you. Asad’s inner voice spoke achingly. These four words left Asad feeling different from before. It was evident that something was missing in his heart.

I still need you. Zoya’s inner voice spoke longingly; she wished Asad would stop her for she also felt this empty feeling in her heart. She needed someone. But most importantly she needed Asad more than ever now. Although he was just standing a few steps away from her, Zoya could not shake off the feeling that she was all alone, she yearned for Asad with a gut wrenching need she had never felt before this. The ache deep in her heart was now fresh again, the hurt ever so prominent. Ek baar rukne ko bhi nahin kahen ge?

Agar main aapko rukne ke liye kahu, toh kya woh wajah kaafi hogi? Please don’t leave me. Asad sighed. He clenched his fists tightly, his heart throbbed incoherently as he thought how empty and meaningless his life was about to become. Every corner of his house held memories of Zoya, every space would now have a deserted quality if she left him again, where she would be sitting at the dining table, standing, laughing, lounging with her iPad, the mess she created, all would be at loss if she left.

Hearing nothing from Asad at all since she saw the blurry laptop screen with the plane ticket confirmation just moments ago, Zoya sighed miserably, she turned to finally leave Asad’s bedroom. Her mind painfully brought forth memories of her time at Khan Villa as her right foot ascended over the threshold of the bedroom, the bedroom she once shared albeit temporarily with the only man that she had ever loved. But something held her back in place. Asad’s strong arms had pulled her back into the bedroom rooting her firmly against the cold wall. Asad had  felt suffocated under the heavy burden and guilt he placed on himself. He did not care how broken he looked, he finally reached forward determinedly and with sheer force he slammed his room door shut, locking the door and locking her in the confines of his arms as his one hand held onto Zoya’s free hand for dear life.

“Mat jao Zoya,” Asad finally mustered the strength to voice his inner dilemma. It already hurt too much the first time around Asad thought pensively recalling how much he ached for Zoya when she had left him unexpectedly three months ago. Suddenly and with great need Asad’s hands were on both sides of Zoya’s face, tilting her face up and gently guiding her face closer to his. His lips caressed her pale cheeks one by one, kissing away the tears that shed from her eyes. Without hesitation Asad closed the distance between them, his lips then met hers in a searing kiss, she felt like someone had knocked the air out of her lungs. The soft caress of his lips was every bit as magical and torturous as she remembered. The careful stroke of his tongue over her bottom lip made her snap back into reality. She pushed away from him, breathing heavily. This had to be a lie she kept thinking. This couldn’t be happening. Not after everything they had been through tonight. Zoya took a deep breath and willed herself to get an explanation from Asad without breaking down again as she pointed her trembling fingers to the laptop screen demanding an explanation.

This is my entire fault. Asad scorned himself inwardly as realisation dawned upon him that she was upset yet again because of him, she had misunderstood him yet again, that ticket wasn’t for her. His work was cut out, the night was about to be a long night, he had a lot of explaining to do. Darkness started to shroud the room as Asad’s rough hand pulled the laptop slowly closed. He paced tentatively, his footsteps fluid towards Zoya finally cornering her once again against the wall. She was trapped. Asad’s eyes had her mesmerised and he had her physically blocked. He shook his head smiling ruefully, letting her know she was to stay perfectly still.

“Mat – jao – Zoya ,” Asad spoke in a broken whisper, his desperation for her one look apparent, not moving his hands from the place where he firmly kept them on either side of her against the wall.

Zoya stirred on his whispering which echoed in the confines of their dark silent bedroom, the pestilent wind blustered fervently, its rustling rattled the window frame. She froze on the spot, unnerved and anxious as her heartbeat responded to Asad’s words; her bandaged hand now traced the spot on his chest where she could feel the throbbing of his heart. Fresh tears glistened in her eyes as she looked up to meet his pained gaze. A  few stray tears escaped Asad’s weary eyes as he lowered his thick lashes in guilt before her, he held his breath as he placed both of his hands over her bandaged hand that rested on his chest, the bloodstains caused him anguish.

“Mat jao Zoya! Actually main khud ko express karne mein itna achha nahi hoon. Shayad issi liye itni si choti si baat tumse nahi keh pa raha hoon. Lekin I wish …  main nahi chaahta ki tum jao. Ruk jao, for me, for us ... Please ... mat jao Zoya! Aap yeh mat sochiye ke hum aapse naraz hai, I just can’t bear to see you so hurt, and most certainly I don’t want you to ever leave me. Mujhe farak padta hai … when I hurt you and you get all hurt because of me. Mujhe farak padta hai … that I almost lost you today. I didn’t mean what I said in anger, I was scared.  I’m really sorry, I was so stressed out, I have to handle a lot of things and I feel as though I never get to spend quality time with you … and then something crazy like this happens. Main jaanta hoon ki jaane-anjaane mein maine tumhe bahut chot pahunchaayi hai Zoya ... par woh iss liye kyun ki mujhe … kabhi pata hi nahi chalta, what I end up saying in anger, I never intended to hurt you ... but phir jab realise karta hoon, I really regret it then, I really do … bahut bura lagta hai mujhe … par main kuch bhi kabhi jaan kar nahi karta hoon Zoya ... main bas aisa hi hoon.. shaayad main ... aap ke layak nahin hoon. I should have been there to keep you safe,” Asad spoke sincerely; his eyes pained as he wished she would already give him his punishment, slap him if that made her feel content but not ever think of leaving him.

“Asad,” Zoya cried as her eyes traced over his defeated form, her wounded hand now released the suitcase she had held tightly, her arms stretched forward with dire urgency as she sprung into Asad’s arms, she needed him more than ever now. She closed the small gap that remained in between them. Her lips brushed his lips softly at first, sending little shockwaves of fire through every part of his body, he sighed longingly as he realised that Zoya had just kissed him, and in that moment he claimed her lips in an all-consuming kiss. The fire consumed her, and she pressed her mouth into his. Her lips parted, letting his tongue slide in. He explored her gently, his tongue danced with hers, demanding her retaliation. She perused the recesses of his mouth with vigour, finding that it only increased her desire for him. Her outstretched hand came up to the nape of his neck, she caressed the little black hairs at the nape of his neck with fervour, demanding more.

Asad’s heartbeat thrummed ecstatically when Zoya’s hand caressed his neck, his heartbeat wild and untamed echoed in her ears. Zoya moved her fingers tortuously slowly in his hair, he moaned into her mouth. Her thin weak arms wrapped cravingly around his neck as Asad’s strong frame wrapped snuggly around her dainty waist, his fingers trailed sensuously up and down her back. Asad swiftly scooped Zoya up into his arms, as memories of their passionate night at the farmhouse raced through both their minds, his hands glided sensuously over her small butt, squeezing firmly as she framed his hips with her legs. Asad strode languidly towards the bed, his consciousness faded as his feral instincts to hold her, to fill her and to put her at ease controlled him now. 

Through his kisses he kept repeating his need for her – “Main nahi chaahta ke tum jao, I love you Zoya, I need you – I need you.” Zoya’s breath hitched at the sound of Asad’s softly spoken words, her mind wandered relentlessly over their first time at the farmhouse, so loss in her thoughts, so consumed with his kiss Zoya didn't even realise the moment her back was now pressed against the bed, his broad frame pinning her cautiously against the thick layers of the duvet. Asad pulled away, his eyes lingered over Zoya as he watched her blush under his gaze. He slowly removed his crisp white shirt, letting it fall unceremoniously to the floor without taking his eyes off her. Zoya saw the look of appreciation in his eyes as his eyes lingered over her body and that drove her closer to him, she looked up at Asad, her husband. Staring at his naked torso, Zoya’s eyes achingly traced the crevices of his six packs, she looked up to meet his gaze. Asad reciprocated her heated gaze with just as much ferocity. Zoya’s hands desperately wrapped around Asad’s neck, caressing the nape of his neck, her fingers scorched his skin with desire on impact, and her fingers travelled innocently exploring the muscles of his back, her cold fingertips travelled forward, taking in the warmth of his skin beneath her fingertips, nails deftly raking over his ridiculously sculpted chest and six-packs. Screw her fears and screw her insecurities - Zoya thought inwardly, her voice of logic was not taunting her anymore. All she could hear was Asad’s soothing voice comforting her and encouraging her; she felt safe, comfortable and loved in his arms. Zoya  watched Asad’s Adam’s apple dip up and down as she explored his body, he swallowed hard as he remembered their first time, the way her skin melted under his touch, the way she writhed deliciously under his body, the distant sound of her soft murmurs and moans as he caressed her echoed in his mind.

“I love you,” Asad spoke faithfully as he looked at Zoya with vulnerable eyes, he cupped her face with his warm hands tilting her face up before planting a kiss on her neck leaving a mark as he bit her tender skin there for release, before claiming her quivering lips in an all-consuming kiss convincing her how right this moment was. He lowered her to the bed, as she nodded in approval, pinning her dainty wrists down on either side of the silky white pillows, her body moulded to the movement of his, she whimpered at the feeling of being filled by him, and they proclaimed ownership over each other. Soft sighs and moans saturated their bedroom.  

All their thoughts, all their fears and all their doubts vanished in that moment as Asad and Zoya’s bodies met in passion. All her dreams and all his nightmares combined into one entity. All her desires and all his needs intertwined with their union.

End of Part 6

© Fatima B Lunat 2015

All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Fatima B Lunat.

Okies I didn’t want to go down this route in the story, I had something else in mind but oh well. I hear you guys lol, didn’t want to separate Asad and Zoya. It all seems a little too good to be true … for now. Thank you all so very much for all the responses you have given so far to this story. I am seriously in awe. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter too. Don’t forget to hit the like button, the more the merrier, if you so wish to!!  For now feel free to tell me what you think of it and as always don't forget to leave your comments, good comments and constructive criticism, both are more than welcome and appreciated. I encourage my silent readers to join in and converse with me too. 

GIFS: CREDIT goes to: Himani, Avantika, Priya, Mehak, Usha of http://qubool.tumblr.com/tagged/asya